you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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