Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
