Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
