So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
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