i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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