I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
