I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
