what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
