Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
third nipple confirmed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
