You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
