is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
