i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
