He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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