If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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