whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
