i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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