A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
