Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
