Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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