I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
