I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
