i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
