You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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