So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
