Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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