what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
