Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
