we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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