What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
