Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
