It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
