Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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