haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
