maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
