Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
