meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
