i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
