Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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