I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
