Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
