I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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