god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
