Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
