i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
