I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
