3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
