Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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