Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
