Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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