chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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