she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
